How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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