for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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