I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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