dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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