I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
