Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
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