im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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