Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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