You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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