It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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