last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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