What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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