you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
