I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
