I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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