Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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