Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
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