He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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