who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
