I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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