I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
