I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
