All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
