It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
