mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
