Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
