i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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