I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
birth control should be required to get into college
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
