I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
