Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
