The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
