His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize