He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
