I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
third nipple confirmed
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
