we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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