shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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