My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
