four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
