cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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