you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
