Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
