I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He felt like a one man threesome
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
