Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Found the puke drawer
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
