puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
