Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
