Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
