I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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