Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
