so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
