This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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