You smell like a Billy Joel song
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
smell my finger.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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