She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
