you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
