So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
