i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
