he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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