dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
