Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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