everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
