Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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