did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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