When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
