I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
